Top 20 Beard Jokes

Beard jokes are the best jokes, mainly because they’re all true. Here are the 20 most ridiculous beard jokes you'll ever hear:

  1. It’s good to have beardless friends. When you go out, everyone assumes you’re their leader.
  2. What do you call a bald meth cooker with facial hair? Heisenberg.
  3. You call it a beard. I call it magnificence escaping through my face.
  4. I was thinking about getting rid of the beard, but I've had it for so long that at this point it makes the decisions for me.
  5. When is your beard too long? When the comments turn from "Hey! I really like your beard!" into, "Hey!... A beard!"
  6. Isn’t your beard annoying in the summer? No, manliness is not seasonal.
  7. Saying you have a beard when you don’t makes you a bald-faced liar.
  8. If you have a beard but can’t change a tire, please shave.
  9. If your work asks you to shave, tell them it's against your religion. If they ask what religion, tell them "Man".
  10. Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard? The barber.
  11. There's a name for people without beards... Women.
  12. My friend was looking at an old picture of me without a beard, and asked, "Did you grow a beard?" No. I shaved my photos.
  13. Pretty much the only thing guys are comfortable complimenting each other on.
  14. My daughter asked where babies come from, and I wasn't about to lie. "Beards, sweetheart. Amazing beards".
  15. Excuse me! My eyes are up here.
  16. My beard eats beards like yours for breakfast.
  17. When people ask me if my beard makes me hot in the summer, I tell them it makes me hot all year long.
  18. Men don't cry, they water their beards.
  19. Why are you so defensive? I'm not saying your clean shaven face makes you less of a man. You just look like less of a man.
  20. Sometimes I think about shaving, but then I think, "Nah. I like my legs the way they are". And then I go back to hugging my beard.


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